I miss being happy.
Well, not happy. See, I’m a manic depressive. I have peaks (manic) and valleys (god fuck kill me) and mostly deal with these stable, flat periods of Meh.
I miss Meh. With Meh, I can function. With peaks, I have so much energy I can write a full chapter, record and edit a few pastas, knit like a wise grandma and be awake and alive.
But I’m in a valley. A deep one. I can’t even see the way out. I can’t climb out because out isn’t there. I can’t find the end, and I have nothing to use as foot or handholds.
I’ve been down here for a month. I tripped over damned foolish infatuation and fell too far down to escape.
I don’t miss being happy. I’m never really happy. I just want to be okay again. I want Meh back.
oh my god you don’t understand how much i want to kiss you
or watch movies with you
or fall asleep with you
or drink coffee with you
or cuddle with you
or hold your hand
or go to amusement parks with you
or watch concerts with you
or bake with you
i want to do everything with you